Someone owes you money. And every time you think about bringing it up, something in you tightens.
There's the resistance. The embarrassment. Maybe even a quiet fear. You rehearse the words in your head, then let them go. You tell yourself now isn't the right time, or that it isn't worth the awkwardness, or that they'll bring it up themselves eventually.
So you say nothing. And the silence sits between you.
Here's what I want you to notice first: this isn't really about the money. It's about the relationship. And it's about what you're willing to feel in order to protect what matters.
It Was Never Just About the Money
Money is one of the six key areas we work on when we start the journey in Inner Circle and AWAKEN. And there's a reason it comes up so early.
Money is loaded. It carries our story.
For most of us there's a lot to heal around this energy of money. Some of it was passed down to us, generational. Some of it is societal, absorbed from everything around us. And some of it we simply made up at some point, consciously or subconsciously, and never questioned since.
Whatever the source, those beliefs are running. Quietly, in the background, they're shaping your relationship with money and with the people money touches. So when you feel that resistance to asking for what you're owed, notice that you're not just facing an awkward conversation. You're brushing up against a pattern that's been running a long time.
Love Is Why You Have the Difficult Conversation First
I'll speak for myself here. Because I love the person, I'm willing to have the difficult conversation first.
Not despite loving them. Because of it.
I care about them, so I'm more interested in the long term. I'd rather risk what looks like a potential conflict.. a conversation that could end in disagreement.. than let something fester. And what I've found is that the conflict almost never comes, as long as you're clear about your intention.
I'm willing to have a short-term conflict if it comes to that. I'm willing to sit in the short-term discomfort. Because I'm committed to the long term, I'm willing to have the conversation.
It doesn't even have to be a disagreement. Sometimes it's just the two of you not quite agreeing, and being willing to let that be uncomfortable for a moment. That's leadership in a relationship. Leadership is bringing clarity to a situation that is lacking clarity. Taking the lead because you care, because you love that person, because you value what you have together.
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Don't Have the Conversation From a Wound
This part matters, so slow down here.
If you can't come from your heart yet, don't have the conversation yet.
If you're coming from resentment, or you're ready to attack or blame, that isn't the time. Step away. Go and do your work first. Release the resentment, the pain, the struggle, whatever is sitting there. Because if you speak before you've done that, what comes out won't be the truth.
You'll pretend. You'll dress it up in loving words while underneath you're just hurt. And you'll let the slightly nasty things slip out, because you know that person. You know how to push their buttons.
It's completely different once you've let go of the anger and you can speak from your heart. Clear. Honest. Taking responsibility for your part.
Sometimes the healing happens in the airing itself. When you finally speak from an honest place, something releases. But that only works if you've done enough of the inner work to come from clarity rather than from the wound.
What You Sweep Under the Carpet Comes Back to Bite You
Here's what happens when we avoid it.
So much of relationship is communication. Having the conversation, and having the difficult conversation first, instead of sweeping it under the carpet.
But what we sweep under the carpet doesn't disappear. It's like sweeping dust under a rug. One day there's a monster under there, and when you're sitting on the couch, relaxed, it jumps out and bites you. And you go, what was that? That's the monster you've been building all these years. The conversation you never had.
That's usually how it goes. The thing that seems to come out of left field, the moment that takes the relationship out.. it's been building for a long time.
Think of how people put their back out from a sneeze. Is it really the sneeze? A sneeze isn't deadly. It's not a virus that breaks your back. It's the accumulation of years of bad posture, of sitting badly, of moving badly or not moving at all. The back has been quietly gathering strain the whole time, and the sneeze is just the last moment. The straw that broke the camel's back.
Relationships are the same. When there's a lot that's been accumulating, never aired, never spoken about, one small moment can seem to break everything. But it was never the small moment. It was all the years of silence underneath it.
A Conflict Is an Invitation to Go Deeper
So here's the reframe that changed this for me.
Rather than seeing a conflict as something that could destroy the relationship, what I've learned is that what looks like conflict is actually an opportunity to deepen it.
If you go into the conversation because you want to deepen the love, the connection, the friendship, then that becomes possible. But if you come from blame, it can't go deeper. Blame just kills the relationship.
Same conversation. Two completely different intentions. One opens a door. The other closes it for good.
So when you finally have it, let it sound something like this: I felt resistant, embarrassed, afraid to bring this up. But I care about you, and our relationship means more to me than this money. I don't want money to get between us, so I want to bring some clarity to it.
That's it. You've named your fear honestly. You've named what matters more. And you've opened a space for the conversation to actually happen.
The money is almost incidental at that point. What you're really doing is refusing to let something small and unspoken quietly rot something you love.
Do your work first. Come from your heart. And have the conversation.
I hope that helps.