In short: You can't slow down because rushing became part of who you are. Rushing meant productive, productive meant accepted, accepted felt like being loved. So when you slow down it feels like a threat to who you believe you are. Of course it's scary. What to do about it? Let the pieces settle. Give it some space and time.
Watch the full satsang above.
You know rushing isn't good for you. You've probably told yourself to slow down a hundred times. And yet the moment you actually try.. something in you resists. Hard.
Someone asked me this in a recent satsang: "I feel like I'm conditioned to be rushing and doing things quicker than they need to be.. what am I afraid will happen if I slow down?"
That's an honest question. And I would say a lot of us would recognise ourselves in it.
Why does slowing down feel like a threat?
That's just how I am. That's just who I am.
What we do consistently becomes a habit. And a habit we practise long enough becomes so normal that it stops being something we do. After a while it just feels like.. yeah, that's just who I am. That's how I am.
Rushing is often that. Follow the wiring underneath it and it might go something like this, and this is just a random example, because I don't know what it is for you without having a conversation: rushing meant productive, productive meant liked and accepted, and accepted felt like being loved. Take off all the middle bits and join a straight line to it, and it reads: rushing equals feeling loved.
That wiring happened at some point, probably way back, and by the time you're an adult it's just.. running in the background. Some of it we practised consciously. A lot of it we absorbed without ever choosing it. Either way it's had years of repetition. So of course it feels like it's just who I am.
So when you try to slow down, it's a threat to your identity. To who you believe you are. And underneath that, most likely, it's about love. We're all wired for love.
If speed has become the way you prove your worth, it often surfaces later as high-functioning burnout.. still delivering, quietly running on empty.
What rushing anxiety actually feels like
It rarely announces itself as fear. It shows up as:
- Your chest tightening the moment you sit down with nothing to do - Reaching for your phone the second there's a gap - Finishing other people's sentences - Feeling guilty when you rest, even when the work is done - Doing things faster than they need doing, for no reason you could name
If even resting feels like work, that's the same wiring from another angle.. I go into it in Why Can't I Relax? (Even When There Is Finally Time).
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What am I afraid will happen if I slow down?
The other part of it is simpler. You've just never done it this way before.
You've rushed your whole life. Suddenly not rushing is new. Unknown. And nobody really wants to step into the unknown.. we all want some part of the known to come with us, something predictable to hold onto. But the moment it's predictable, it isn't the unknown anymore. We want to predict the unknown. We want to control it.
That's why it's the unknown. And that's actually where our learning and our growth is.
There's also a part of us that's vigilant in the background, going: hmm, are you sure you want to slow down? Because rushing worked for you. Slowing down is new. It looks like it's working, but what if it stops working?
Why does slowing down make me anxious?
When the pieces are resettling, it's unsettling. It's scary. It's new.
Do you remember Tetris? The old school game. The shapes come down and the pieces settle in a new configuration. Or jigsaw pieces. That's what's happening inside when something you've held for years starts to change.
You know those snow globes you get at Christmas? You shake it and everything's stirred up for a little while. And you're going, oh my God, what's going to happen? Are the pieces going to land in the right place for me? I need control.
And that's part of growth. That's an expansion.
When a child grows they say growing pains. Bones growing, muscles growing, a growth spurt. It's not comfortable. It's not growing comfort, is it.. it's growing pains. It's a settling, a resetting, which comes after an unsettling.
I once watched a room full of people actually stop.. here's what happened.
How do I stop rushing without forcing it?
So what to do about it, even though you didn't ask.. let the pieces settle. Give it some space and time.
And don't try to rush your way through learning how not to rush.
So that's normally what's in play, I would say.
Questions People Ask
Why can't I slow down?
Slowing down is hard because rushing has stopped being a habit and become part of who you are. A lot of us learned somewhere along the line that rushing meant productive, productive meant accepted, and accepted felt like being loved. Take the middle bits out and join a straight line to it and the wiring reads: rushing equals feeling loved. So slowing down feels like a threat to your identity, not just to what you get done.
Why do I rush all the time even when there is no deadline?
Rushing that carries on without a deadline is conditioning. The pattern got practised for years, some of it consciously and a lot of it absorbed without ever being chosen, so by the time you're an adult it just runs in the background as the default speed. Repetition is driving it.
What am I afraid will happen if I slow down?
Usually the fear underneath is losing what rushing was earning you: being useful, being accepted, being loved. Underneath that sits the unknown. You've used rushing all your life, so not rushing is new territory, and nobody really wants to step into the unknown without something predictable to hold onto.
Why does slowing down make me anxious or restless?
That unsettled feeling is the pieces resettling, not a sign something has gone wrong. Dylan Ayaloo describes it like a snow globe: you shake it and everything's stirred up for a little while before it starts to fall again in a new configuration. Slowing down after years of rushing produces the same stirred-up stretch while things reorganise.
How do I stop rushing?
You give it space and time rather than forcing it. Trying to rush your way through learning not to rush just repeats the pattern. Expect an unsettled stretch, treat it as growing pains, and let the new pace get practised rather than installed.
Come and sit with us
This answer came from a live satsang, an open question and answer session that Dylan Ayaloo holds every Friday at 6:30pm inside the free Elevate Community on Skool. You bring the question, we look at it together.. come and be in the room.
Big love, Dylan