In short: When we are in the pattern, it's always harder to see it, so I think the simple answer is to start to pay attention, and the more we pay attention, the better the chance we have. Unfortunately, I think, most of us have to go through it several times, and then we get more skilled at noticing the pattern before we hit it. I would suggest paying more attention, earlier and earlier, so we can preempt it and interrupt it, and then there's enough space to choose differently.
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Someone asked me this: "How do I become conscious of a recurring pattern.. before it takes over?"
Why is it always harder to see a pattern while I'm in it?
When we are in the pattern, it's always harder to see it.
And when it has happened a few times, there's a better chance of us seeing it, because it's repeated itself and you start to see, hang on, this has happened before, or I've been here before. This feeling, or this sensation, this repercussion, the results in my life, I seem to have come across this before. So we start to have some clues, perhaps, and then we can start to identify, okay, it seems like there's some kind of a pattern here.
I think that's the first part of becoming aware of it. The fact that you're actually asking the question shows that you already have some awareness of it, and you're already able to, I want to say, see it, be aware of it and track it.
How do I become aware of it before it takes over?
I think the simple answer, which I don't think is that simple, but I'll give the simple answer, is to start to pay attention. And the more we are able to pay attention, which is what practices like meditation teach us, the better the chance we have. The more we pay attention, the better the chance to realise it, to see it, to see it in effect, taking its course.
But I think that's probably too simple an answer, or at least for me it might be.
Do I really have to go through it several times?
Unfortunately, I think, sometimes we have to go through it several times, before we can start to see it. The first time, maybe we are really unaware. The second time, you think, hang on, I feel like I've been here before. And then the third, the fourth time, this has actually happened several times now, and you can start to track more of it.
So unfortunately, I think, unless we have a really heightened level of awareness, it's really hard to see and catch the pattern before it starts to, let's say, take over and run the show. The answer is, for most of us, you just have to go through it several times.
What are the clues that I'm in a pattern?
When you start to see certain patterns, there are certain clues, certain things that happen every time. So physically, or maybe emotionally, or maybe the situation. There's a certain response that we get from the people around us who are involved in that dynamic, that pattern, that round. Or maybe consistently we get a certain response or reaction from a person, or people.
So there are these clues for us to track it, and to start to realise that, hang on, this has happened more than once. And, you know, what's actually going on here?
What is underneath the pattern?
As you start to pay attention to it, I think it starts from a more surface level awareness, for all of us, and then we start to go deeper and explore, okay, what is actually in play here? What is actually going on? What's running, what's underneath it? So it's from the surface down, going under that, and starting to look at the layers underneath.
I think the other answer is, if you've been doing the kind of work that we do, the practices that we do, then you start to have some awareness of the story, the narrative that is running in the mind and really running our lives. And most of the time, almost everything is just another variation, a clever variation, I find anyway in my life, of the same story, the core story, the narrative that's been running itself in my life. The mind has come up with a clever version, so it looks different, or it feels different. Or maybe it's just another layer of it, a deeper layer, or a variation of it.
So either way, it's more awareness work, more paying attention to whatever clues we have: emotions, and the conversation that the mind is having around it, and underneath it, fundamentally.. I'm talking about story work.
What does the story underneath sound like?
It's normally in the language of a young, innocent child. When we trace it back in our timeline, in our story work, it's somewhere in our earlier years. So generally the language around it, when we go deep enough, comes down to that. I am this, or I am not this, or I am not enough. Very simple language, not too clever, not adult, complex language.
If we pay enough attention, it comes down to that.
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How do I know I'm getting somewhere with it?
I just had a visual of a tooth, the nerve. We're hitting the nerve, we're getting down to the depth of it. So then, oh, okay, there's something here. There's a jolt, some kind of emotion, maybe some kind of sensation. And so you're onto something, because there's some emotional charge, there's some energy there, underneath it.
So I think these are all clues that I'm actually getting somewhere with the story. I speak for myself there. And these are all practices of getting underneath it, and becoming more aware of it.
Is there an insurance policy against hitting the pattern?
Sometimes the answer is just that there's no insurance policy in having so much awareness that we don't actually hit the pattern. A lot of times, for most of us, I think mere mortals, we hit the patterns, and then we hit it more than once, or several times. And then we just get more skilled at noticing the patterns before we hit it.
So whether it's in the body, or in our emotions, most of the time it's internal, or it's the narrative, the voice in the head. Or maybe it starts external, and then we start to have more of an awareness of the internal landscape going on, so we can track it better. We're able to see it, or catch it, before, let's say, it catches you. The story is running your life, and you find yourself in the pattern, and you're like, well, how did I get here?
Is it a bit like a yoga pose?
Let me go back to the question: how do you become conscious of that before it takes over? I want to equate it to something we can relate to, which is, let's say, a yoga pose. I think the level of awareness becomes developed around the pattern, our ability to become aware of it.
In a yoga pose, you do it enough times, and if something doesn't feel right, like the knees, there's this electric kind of sensation, or the back, there's a warning, or a pre-warning, that the body gives. The body is a bit more tangible that way.
With the patterns, this stuff that's running our lives, the same is true. We just get more skilled at picking up, okay, I think I can guess where this is going, because I've gone down this path several times. Not getting paranoid about it, and not just assuming that is what it is. Starting to become aware and starting to pay attention, to the point of, okay, let me start to notice this. Let me start to watch this pattern as it's starting to unravel itself and show itself. And even if it's cleverer and showing you a different variation of it, you start to go underneath it, and it's the same structure, it's the same kind of pattern. So we get better at tracking it.
What is the short answer?
The short answer, which sounds like I'm cheating with the answer, is to pay more attention. And as we get better at paying attention, we're able to become aware, let's say, earlier and earlier, so that we can almost not predict it, but preempt it before it starts to play out. You notice, oh, there's step one, or step minus three, minus two, minus one, oh, we're getting to zero, oh, we're getting to one, and then, okay, now the pattern's starting to unravel. And I've been through it several times now. Even though it looks different on the outside, the inside, the structure of it, seems to be the same.
So therefore, let me start to interrupt it. Let me start to pause, take a breath.
Does freedom mean the mind stops having thoughts?
The breaking free from the story, and I think this is the essence of the liberation of the mind, or enlightenment. Thinking is going to happen. Thoughts are going to be there. The thinking machine is going to produce thoughts. It's our relationship to thinking, our relationship to the thoughts, that can shift.
Even in meditation, for example, the mind is doing this thing called thinking, but the voice can feel, I want to say, dissociated, but I'm not talking about cutting ourselves away from it. It's just that it feels more distant, and eventually the voice can feel like it's in another room, the voice of the mind. So our relationship to it goes from completely immersed in it, and it's running your life, to, oh, I can see this thing. I am the awareness that can witness this thing, this thought, this pattern.
What changes when I can see it?
As we start to pay attention, as we start to develop our awareness, we get better at tracking it, and we also get better at preempting it and interrupting the pattern, and then being free from it. So you can see it, and you can breathe free from it, and therefore you can make different choices. It's not got a grip on you, and it doesn't feel like you have no choice, or that you're just going to have to go down that path again.
The freedom, the liberation, I think, and what they call enlightenment, is the shift in the relationship with thinking. Okay, I can see it, and I've got enough space now to choose differently and go down a different path. And I think that's the essence of transformation. I think that's what the greats in the spiritual texts are trying to teach us, and pass down to us as well.
What if I can see it, and I'm already in the river?
So you've already got the awareness of it. You can see the pattern, it's clear, it's happened before, you've gone through it before. This is where you're immersed in it. It's like you jump in the river, and you're drowning. You can see yourself drowning, or being submerged, right under the current, the waves, and you're like, what do I do about it?
So you're starting to develop that awareness.
Which level should I work on, the body, the emotions or the mind?
It's the same patterns. It's going to keep coming back. So you can address it on a physical level. You can address it on an emotional level. You can address it on an energetic level. You can address it on a mind's level, like thoughts, like story level.
So you can go at it on any one of these levels, or multiple levels, and it's all going to give you some freedom from it, like a breakthrough from it.
What happens when I stop jumping in?
You're going to get more and more awareness, and more skill at actually navigating this, and not jumping in next time. Or you didn't even choose to jump in, but you just find yourself in it, and you're like, well, how did this happen?
So then it's making different choices. I think awareness is one part, and then it's interrupting the pattern, so that you don't find yourself immersed in it again. And then making different choices. I think that's where the breakthrough is, when there's enough space between you and the story, and you're able to choose differently and act differently. So therefore you get different results, and it doesn't run you anymore.
Questions People Ask
How do I become aware of a pattern before it takes over?
The simple answer, which I don't think is that simple, is to start to pay attention, and the more we pay attention, which is what practices like meditation teach us, the better the chance we have of realising it. It's probably too simple an answer, or at least for me it might be.
Why is it always harder to see a pattern while I'm in it?
When we are in the pattern it's always harder to see it, and once it has happened a few times there's a better chance, because it has repeated itself and you start to see, hang on, I've been here before.
Do I really have to go through it several times?
Unfortunately, for most of us, yes. The first time maybe we are really unaware, the second time you think, hang on, I feel like I've been here before, and by the third and fourth time you can start to track more of it.
What are the clues that I'm in a pattern?
There are certain things that happen every time: physically, or maybe emotionally, or in the situation, such as a certain response we get from the people around us. I compare the body to a yoga pose, where there's a warning, or a pre-warning.
What is underneath the pattern?
It starts from a surface level awareness and then we go deeper, to the story, the narrative running in the mind. When we go deep enough it comes down to very simple language, like "I am not enough", and a jolt of emotion is a clue that you're onto something.
How do I interrupt it and choose differently?
I say to pay more attention, earlier and earlier, so we can preempt it, and then to interrupt it, pause and take a breath. Thinking is going to happen, and it's our relationship to the thoughts that can shift, until there's enough space to choose differently and go down a different path.
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Big love, Dylan