In short: You could be gardening or cooking together, or someone's talking at you, and you're being present with them. I would say notice if your body tenses up and tries to shut down, and relax around them, so you can be present with them and notice that you're present with yourself. The healing happens by being with each other. And when there is chaos at work, you don't have to try and shine.. stay centred in yourself, don't carry their stuff, and go back to the basics.
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Someone asked me this: "How do I stay present with others without shutting down or leaving my body?"
Do I have to talk about deep stuff to be present with someone?
You could be gardening, you could be cooking together, or whatever. Someone's talking at you, or they're asking you a question, like are you okay. There's the physical experience of it, but also energetically that you're being present with them.
You could go out and someone's in the garden, and you just stand there talking about what looks like random stuff. Oh, the sunshine, the flowers, brown plants, snails in the plants. You don't have to talk about deep stuff, or pour out your heart to them. You can be present with them and notice that you're present with yourself. You're not leaving, shutting and pushing anything down.
What do I do when my body tenses up and tries to shut down?
Notice if your body tenses up and tries to shut down, and that you relax around them. When you're being with yourself, keep relaxing into being with them.
So they can be talking, they might not be talking, you could be gardening, cooking, whatever. You're being with them.
What does it look like to just sit there and be present?
Like, for example, I was having lunch, and my niece is getting more comfortable with me now. She came over and sat down and she just started talking, blah, blah, blah. For a long time. And I was like, yeah, okay, oh, how does that work, oh, what did they say. I just let her go on for ages.
It's taken her so long to relax and talk so much with me. By the end of it, I was sitting there for ages, probably more than an hour, maybe two hours. She's like, oh sorry, I've been talking your ear off. I was like, it's all good. We get to hang out and get to know each other.
It was me just letting myself sit there.
What if my head says I've got stuff to do?
My head was saying, I've got a lot of stuff to do. I'm going to get on to my stuff, go and do my work. I could have easily said, look, I can't speak right now, I've got to go, we'll speak later. But I was like, you know what, I'm just going to sit here for a little bit and just be present, and be in the energy of that interaction.
And it was enriching. It was just her day, and all the stuff, and I was like, oh cool, and I got to get to know her a little bit, and her thoughts. So it was a connecting moment, a couple of hours actually, and it's special.
Can ordinary conversation really be that profound?
It's up to you, but you've got another hour or two. You can go and just sit there, have a cup of tea or coffee or whatever, or just talk rubbish, the weather, the this, the that. Sometimes in the mundaneness of our normal day to day, it's very profound in simplicity, and letting yourself relax and open up to them.
What does it mean to let them hold me?
There's a time and place for you to really share stuff and say, look, I'm going through these things. But they can kind of tell already, or maybe you've shared some of it, and maybe you don't need to go into it more, because you can't, or you don't want to. Fine, no worries.
But letting them hold you is like relaxing into the seawater, right? You're relaxing into that container of the family, letting them hold you. And you're just talking day to day, whatever, which can seem like rubbish, but it's fine. There is a holding, a containment of that, and you feel safe in that space. You relax into it. That's being vulnerable, that's being open to that, and letting them pour love into you while you're pouring love into them.
It's healing, it's nourishing.
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Where does the healing come from?
The healing happens by being with, being with each other, being present with each other.
So I just thought I'd mention that, in case it wasn't clear enough.
What does it look like to show up when there is turmoil around me?
Holding space for people, where you're coming from is that you have your containment, and you're entering into a space where there's turmoil, chaos or whatever.
Holding space is you showing up, and the stance is, I'm centred in myself, I'm connected to me. That's where you're coming from, because that's what you're feeling, and you're letting what needs to happen happen, what is to be, be.
How do I help without jumping in with them?
Me jumping in to the stream with you is very different to me feeling that you are there, and feeling what you're feeling, and being able to give my hand and help you come out of it.
What does strength look like when there is chaos around me?
My teachers preach all the time, just sometimes with words. So your preaching is your way of being, how you're holding yourself, being centred but also vulnerable, all the qualities that you've already developed, bringing that level of you when there is chaos at your workplace.
You just become a pillar. Strength is in the vulnerability of it, that you become like a lighthouse, like when there's crazy seas.
So because of how you're showing up, this is, in a way, your moment to shine, because you don't have to try and shine. You show up just the way you have been, centred, grounded in yourself in times of chaos.
What if I'm feeling it too?
I think without trying to tell people what to do and stuff like that, it's just going to be felt. They probably already feel it.
Yeah, you're feeling stuff too, and you're going through your process, but you have more resources, because you've built more resources within yourself. So therefore you can be more resourceful with your team and your organisation. And you can bring value, like you can add more value into the workplace, in a time of craziness.
What do tough times show about our character?
In tough times, it shows our character. And you've built your character, worked on yourself for all these years, so you don't have to try and shine. Just continue being you and bringing what you bring.
You just have to be aware that you're not carrying their stuff. You're there to do your work and do what you need to do. And maybe there are certain different things you're doing compared to normal, because it's not a normal time.
Where do I start when it all feels chaotic?
I think not underestimating the basics. You don't do a handstand, you do a down dog. And in a down dog there are many different parts of it. Your hands, your feet on the ground, the length in the spine, the breath. The basics, the foundational building blocks.
Just going back to the foundational building blocks of your team, of your role, of your promise, your job there, and just delivering that. Everything that's here to do, we just need to do it. And keep your eye on the ball. Don't drop that. And that's already going to be a big help.
So keeping the ship running.
At a glance
Questions People Ask
How do I stay present with others without shutting down or leaving my body?
I say to notice if your body tenses up and tries to shut down, and that you relax around them. You can be present with them and notice that you're present with yourself, and that you're not leaving, shutting and pushing anything down.
Do I have to talk about deep stuff to be present with someone?
You don't have to talk about deep stuff or pour out your heart to them. You could be gardening or cooking together, or just talking about the sunshine and the flowers, and be present with them.
What does it mean to let them hold me?
Letting them hold you is relaxing into the seawater, into that container of the family. You feel safe in that space, and it's being open to letting them pour love into you while you're pouring love into them.
Where does the healing come from?
The healing happens by being with each other, being present with each other.
How do I hold steady when there is chaos at work?
It's you showing up centred in yourself, and that you don't have to try and shine. I say to be aware that you're not carrying their stuff, and to go back to the basics, because you don't do a handstand, you do a down dog.
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Big love, Dylan